


Wanna Clang?

by Madigan_45



Category: Rockman X | Mega Man X, Rockman Zero | Mega Man Zero, Rockman | Mega Man - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-04-13 17:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14117187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madigan_45/pseuds/Madigan_45
Summary: Crazy AU where X and Zero get to be happy together.Bonus 1: X and Zero visit a popular clinic in Neo Arcadia to pick out appropriate clanging material.





	1. Chapter 1

“X, I, uh… I think we should—I mean—I _want_ us to…” Zero swallowed hard, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He nervously twisted his fingers through strands of his long, golden hair. God, why was this so difficult? “We’ve been together for a very long time now, and we’ve always done everything as partners.” Well, not quite _everything_ , but Zero feverishly hoped to remedy that ASAP. If only he could get the words out! “I think we would both agree that we’re mutually attracted to one another, so…”

Yeesh, what was Zero even doing?? X would laugh at him if Zero kept rambling on! Zero needed to say something _meaningful_.

“ _I love you_ ,” Zero whispered. Yes, good. X would definitely respond well to _that_. Despite their century long relationship (tumultuous to be sure, but worth it), that infamous _L-word_ was rarely spoken between them. Zero really wasn’t sure _why_ exactly, except that perhaps it was just so glaringly obvious that it didn’t need to be spoken out loud. Saying “I love you” would be like saying that the sky was blue. But this was (hopefully hopefully _hopefully_ ) going to be something special, so Zero didn’t see any problem with using it. “I love you,” Zero repeated. “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember.” Maybe he could reach out and take X’s hands now… “X, you’ve done _amazing_ things for this world. So much has changed for the better because of you. _We_ have changed…” Zero’s cheeks grew warm, ruminating over _how_ they had changed exactly… in certain _physical_ ways…

_Hey X, since our bodies have been upgraded, and we both totally have sweet rocking dicks now, we should seriously try using them on each other already!_

Yes, for shame, Zero wanted to have sex. Modern day reploids were fully capable of performing sexual intercourse, just the same as any human. X and Zero were no exception. Their bodies had all the proper anatomical _ins and outs_ so to speak, and dammit, Zero _really_ wanted a certain appendage of his to be going _in and out_ of X. It was supposed to feel good. It was supposed to be something that two people who loved each other very much did. Among all the reploids in Neo Arcadia, X and Zero were the ones most deserving of the honor to screw like Ray Bits. _Seriously_.

X and Zero, Maverick Hunters and best friends practically since activation date. If someone had told Zero back then that one day he’d be able to have sex like a human—and he’d be falling all over himself to have sex with _X_ —Zero would have laughed. Well, first he would have probably said, “Get away from me, weirdo,” but then he _definitely_ would have laughed.

Funny how times change. He certainly wasn't laughing now, except perhaps in self pity.

Zero covered his face and groaned. There was simply _no way_ to practice asking your best friend and the love of your life if he was _down to fuck_ gracefully. How could Zero possibly get the words out?

Oh shit—but what if he actually _did_ get the words out, and X flat rejected him? Zero liked to tease his friend, and X was always ready with a snappy comeback, but maybe this was going _too_ far? X had never shown any interest in sex that Zero was aware of. True, neither one of them even had the proper equipment until just recently, but... Dammit, all of that was then; _this was now_. New life, new home, new bodies, new adventures and experiences for the two of them to enjoy! Just because X was the ruler of Neo Arcadia where humans and reploids alike practically worshiped him as a saint, that didn’t mean X was above a nice clang with his best pal Zero, right? _Right_?

Zero pulled his hands away from his face, balling them up into fists of determination instead. His own reflection stared back at him with a steely grimace. X would be coming home soon from another long day of governing the city. He’d probably walk inside their bedroom with a yawn, lean over and kiss Zero, mumble something about being glad to see him… and what would Zero do? Just smile and nod, send X on his way to take a hot bath and relax for the evening? Or maybe _try_ to initiate a little—

“Zero, I’m home!”

 _Oh good_.

X walked into their bedroom, giving Zero a kiss on the cheek as he passed by. “What are you doing looking at yourself in the mirror, Zero? You’re as beautiful as always, I promise.”

Zero’s core raced a bit, and he turned away from the mirror to follow after X, who was already in the process of removing the few pieces of armor that he still wore around Neo Arcadia. Reploid bodies were so durable now that armor honestly wasn’t necessary the way it had once been, but X liked to say that he kept his armor parts out of nostalgia. A huge lie, Zero knew, but hey, X looked good in his armor, so it was fine.

Of course, X looked even better with _nothing_ on, but…

Zero _swore_ he had been about to say something, but his brain shut off as soon as X stood there in front of him with nothing on but that damn bodysuit, hugging him in all the right places.

Okay, not a surprise at all, but Zero was a moron. Seeing each other naked wasn’t even something _new_ between them, human-like anatomy included. Been there done that plenty of times. They had just never… _well_ … Sure they kissed, cuddled up together, stroked hair and faces, nuzzled against ears and necks, but _come on_ , who gets a fancy new upgrade and doesn’t want to try it out?

Zero could admit he'd experimented once or twice… or a lot… and that was all fine and dandy, sure, but without X being there too? Well that just made Zero feel lonely and kind of like a weird pervert.

Based on what Zero had read over the Internet, if a human wanted to engage in sex with his partner, the three keys to victory were romance, seduction, and foreplay. Unfortunately, Zero wasn’t very romantic. That was more of X’s specialty. X was _very_ good at the sweet words and the loving gazes and the making Zero melt into a big puddle of goo in his arms. So then, seduction… Zero simply needed to say something smooth and dashing, thereby leaving X no choice but to acknowledge the delicious sexual tension in the air.

“What’s the matter, Zero? Do you need something?” X asked.

“X—can I put my head on your lap?”

So Zero had panicked. That was not at all what he wanted to say. X definitely didn’t look seduced. Instead, he smiled at Zero tenderly. “Of course.” X sat down on their bed, patting over his knee gently. “Are you tired? Did you have a long day?”

Zero mentally swore at his own incompetence, but resigned himself to kneeling down and placing his head on X’s lap. X began to pet his hair and hum softly. It was _oh so_ sweet and loving. Dammit dammit _dammit_ —

“Zero?” X’s hand stilled when Zero suddenly wrapped his arms around X’s waist, pressing his nose against X’s stomach. Zero muttered something into the fabric of X’s bodysuit, but X couldn’t make out the words. “What? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.” When Zero made no effort to move or repeat himself, X took Zero’s head in his hands and lifted his face up, their eyes meeting. “You’re worrying me a bit. Is something wrong?”

Zero winced. X’s paternal instinct kicking in was definitely _not_ what Zero wanted. “No, nothing’s wrong. There’s just something I want to ask you, but…”

_But I’m embarrassed? Ashamed? Scared?_

Zero inhaled deeply, catching X’s wrists in his hands and standing up straight, leaning over him. He'd spent a good hour practicing what to say in front of the mirror, and now Zero couldn’t remember even one bit of it. Wonderful. “X…”

_Just say it just say it JUST SAY IT!_

“Zero—”

“X, I want to have _sex_ with you!!!”

There. There, it was out. And now to pray to the reploid gods of sex and love and whatever else that X wouldn’t look at him with absolute _disgust_ and—

“Oh jeez, that's a relief…”

Wait… “Huh?”

“What a relief!” X said again, this time with a laugh. “That’s all? You want to have sex?” Before Zero could respond, X pulled him down to straddle X's lap, X grinning up at his partner mischievously. “I was afraid you were about to ask me to watch those stupid Japanese cartoons with you. Oh, hang on to me.”

Zero was left reeling, although he wasn’t sure if it was from X’s nonchalant reaction to sex or from being told that his _anime_ shows were “stupid.” He opened his mouth to protest, but it came out as a gasp when X grabbed his legs and lifted him up. Zero quickly seized X around the shoulders to keep from falling backwards, but X only moved them a few steps to adjust their position slightly before dropping Zero onto the mattress. Zero’s eyes widened as X climbed over top of him, one hand already pulling down the small zipper at the front of his bodysuit.

“I was starting to wonder if you’d ever ask… It was driving me crazy to wait for you…” X’s green eyes had a lusty sheen to them, something Zero could _very_ easily see himself becoming addicted to. “If it were up to me, we would have done this on _day one_.”

Zero felt like whining a little bit (a lot) hearing those words. _Of course_ X had been just as eager to have sex as Zero. Typical. Zero shook his head and he smiled. “I love you, X.”

“I love you too, Zero.”

X didn’t say much more after that, but considering his mouth was occupied with kissing and licking and sucking and _swallowing_ over Zero’s... _ahem_ , yeah, Zero could forgive X's poor conversation skills.

Zero _couldn’t_ forgive that crack about his _anime_ though, and he had a movie with X’s name on it (literally) as soon as they were done.


	2. Bonus 1

“ _Christ_ , _this is so weird_...”

Zero uttered a noncommittal hum at his partner's fussiness. “X, you're stroking a synthetic dick in your hand. What's weird about it?”

X pulled his hand away from the model penis, shaking his fingers like he could shed off some kind of microscopic filth accumulated there from touching it. “I just never imagined this is how I would be spending my Sunday morning.”

Zero snorted carelessly. “Did you have something better to do today? Go to church, maybe? If we hurry it up here, I can still get you on your knees—”

“Zero!” X snapped in irritation, but his partner just laughed.

Our two heroes were inside the practice of Neo Arcadia's top cosmetic surgeon. Dr. Brea specialized in performing body modifications on reploids, ranging from the most mundane (like hair extensions) to the most extreme (like turning your average civilian reploid into a dragon). X and Zero in particular were both fine with their hair and lack of animal parts; however, there _was_ a specific body modification that the two of them had been wanting to get for a long, long time. It was a fairly common procedure that many other reploids had already gone through, in fact, although that hardly made X feel any less abashed by it.

They had come to Dr. Brea in order to receive human anatomy—or more specifically, _human genitalia_. X and Zero were confined to a waiting room, left alone with two inert reploid torsos for them to fool around with. One torso had the penis modification, one had the vagina. Fully functional. Both sets of genitalia would respond to physical stimulation. The penis grew in size and became hard. The vagina opened up and became wet. Amazing. It was the whole _try before you buy_ experience.

“Let's see a little hustle there, okay X? You're not going to act so disinterested when that thing is attached to _me_ , right?” Zero asked.

X rolled his eyes. “Who says you're getting the penis? Maybe you should get the vagina, Zero. You haven't stopped playing with it since we came in here.”

“This one is very slimy and mysterious,” Zero said defensively. “The penis is easy. You just rub your hand on it and you're good to go. This vagina thing... it's like a damn puzzle to solve.”

X pulled Zero's hand away from the female torso before he could begin probing it again. Only God knew how many other reploids had already stuck their fingers up there. “Well, it doesn't matter. I like the penis modification better. I don't know, I just...” X made a face that appeared unsettled. “Having a damp crevice between my legs? Kind of freaky.”

Zero stared at X in confusion. “But... How am I going to stick it into you if you don't have the right parts?”

X frowned. “Why do you have to _stick it_ into me? Why can't I _stick it_ into you?”

“Th-that... uh...” Zero sputtered.

“I mean, if we're being honest here...” X stepped forward, his fingers going to the side of Zero's head, fanning through the long, blond hair. “You're way more feminine than I am. Hell, you even had _boobs_ once—”

“That was part of my _armor_ , X,” Zero grumbled. “And aren't you too old to still be making boob jokes?”

X smiled apologetically, pulling Zero in for a quick kiss. “Yeah, I probably am. But the fact still remains that I don't want the vagina. I want the penis.”

“Well so do I,” Zero argued.

“Then we'll both get it. That simple—”

“But wouldn't that defeat the whole point? Why are we getting sex parts if we can't even use them to have sex _with each other_?”

“We'd still have our hands... and our _mouths_...”

“Is that really what you think of when you imagine having sex?” Zero asked skeptically. “Because I, for one, imagine grabbing you under the knees, spreading your legs apart and pounding inside of you, and you feel warm and tight, and you squirm underneath me and moan—”

“ _Or me doing that to you_ ,” X hissed, his face flushed in embarrassment.

“All right, all right, all right... I guess... you doing it to me also sounds...” Zero bit his bottom lip. “ _Tempting_.”

X sighed deeply. “You realize there's such a thing as _anal sex_ , right?” When Zero looked at him blankly, X groaned. “Oh for the love of...” X reached behind Zero and squeezed a hand over his butt, making the red reploid gasp. “Here. You stick it in _here_.”

“I-in the—?”

“Mm-hmm...”

“You can _do that_??”

“Zero, have you _never_ read a human anatomy book in your life?”

“I'm not a human, so why should I have to?”

Well, X supposed Zero got him there. “Regardless, would that satisfy everyone? We can both have the penis modification _and_ a place to stick it.”

Zero considered this. “Does it feel good... in there?”

X shrugged. “I think humans have pretty mixed reactions to it. Some really enjoy it and others don't. But, you know... we're _reploids_. We could have sex by shoving a penis into each other's _ear_ and design it to feel good.”

“Wow, X. _Just wow_.” Zero slipped his arms around his partner's shoulders with a laugh. “It's never a dull moment with you, sweetheart.”

“I feel the same way, beautiful.” X tipped the red reploid back. “Maybe you should practice a bit though. Try saying _Oh please fuck me harder X please_ a few times, okay?”

Zero only laughed even more.

“Tch, Zero, if you don't start taking this seriously, I'm not going to buy you a fake robo-penis...”

“Haha... Fuck _you_ , X _,_ ” Zero answered with an amused smirk. “How's that?”

“Close enough,” X cooed affectionately, pressing their lips together, hungry and firm.

Dr. Brea walked in on the two reploids shamelessly making out on top of her examination table. They didn't notice her until she cleared her throat sharply. X jumped away immediately, looking mortified, but Zero stayed sprawled out across the table, laughing breathlessly.

“Zero, get up!” X hissed.

Zero slowly sat up straight, smoothing his hair back out before he hopped off the table, mouthing _Sorry_ while trying to hold back a big smile.

“I take it you both have decided what you want?” Dr. Brea asked, her voice a tired drawl.

“Y-yes...” X swallowed roughly. “Yes. I think we both want to go with the, uh, male modification, although we'd need the... _complete_ anatomy set, with... well, you know.”

“...Right.” Dr. Brea looked down at her clipboard, scribbling in a few notes. “You _are_ aware there is no self-lubrication for that particular orifice, correct? You'll have to substitute it with an appropriate store brand. Also, much more so than with the vagina, you'll need to make sure the passage is stretched wide enough to accommodate the penis being inserted.”

“Yes... Of course...” X looked very uncomfortable, like he wished the doctor would just stop talking. Zero on the other hand...

“Sounds like a challenge!” He gave Dr. Brea one of his patented winks and a thumbs up. “I'll get inside X no matter how tight it is.”

X stared at Zero like he couldn't believe this was the man he was in love with.

Dr. Brea shook her head. “Shall we step inside my office? I still need to complete the medical questionnaire.”

“Whoa, wait a minute, what?” Zero nudged X with his elbow. “What does she mean? I thought we already figured out which parts we wanted. Why are there more questions?”

“It's... it's like a mental evaluation,” X tried to explain. “To make sure we're mature enough to have the modification. To make sure we're mature enough to have sex.”

“Seriously...? We're the oldest reploids _in the world_!” Zero cried, exasperated. “How could we _not_ be mature enough?”

“Age has very little to do with maturity, sir,” Dr. Brea said with a strained smile, opening the door so all three of them could step outside. X took Zero's hand as they followed her, silently begging that his partner wouldn't say something stupid and screw this up for them. Once inside the office, Dr. Brea seemed even more intimidating behind her huge, Burgundy desk, leaving X and Zero to sit in the cheap, uncomfortable patient chairs that wobbled awkwardly, like the legs weren't all quite the same length.

Zero was rigid. X tried to squeeze his fingers reassuringly.

After waiting in suspense for what seemed to be thirty decades, Dr. Brea finally looked up at the two reploids in front of her evenly. “How long have you been romantically involved?”

“Um... 132 years?” X smiled nervously. “It's hard to keep track after so long.”

“Only 132 years? Really? Feels like double that time...” Zero muttered.

“And what made you decide that you wanted to have a sexual relationship?” Dr. Brea asked, tapping her pen on the desk.

“Um, that's pretty nosy of you,” Zero snapped out, earning himself a swift kick to the shin.

“Because we love each other!” X exclaimed, happily pretending that Zero _wasn't_ sitting there beside him rubbing over a sore leg. This session was going swimmingly so far. “If there's one person I want to be able to experience pleasure and intimacy with, it's Zero. Physical sex is the only connection we haven't been able to achieve... I want him to desire me. I want us to be close. I want us to be bonded. I want to know that I can make him feel good, in ways no other reploid can. I want him to do the same for me.” X turned to look at his partner, smiling fondly. X brought Zero's hand to his lips, kissing softly upon the front of Zero's wrist. “Zero, I want everything you see, everything you touch...”

_See only me. Touch only me._

Zero's core pulsed, threatening to overheat his circuits. “X...” Zero cupped X's cheek, pushing their foreheads together softly. “I want you to be mine and only mine. I want you to ache for my touch, to crave my attention, and give yourself up to me completely. I want to be on your mind every second we're apart, and I want you to beg for me when we're together. You're my other half... not just in my heart, but you _are_ my heart.”

X didn't say a word, but his eyes spoke volumes. Immediately the two reploids began to kiss once again, like they had no care in the world that a medical professional was in the room watching them.

“ _AHEM_!”

X and Zero broke off quickly, both looking at separate sides of the room, but keeping the little smiles on their faces.

Dr. Brea leaned forward on her elbow, gripping at her bangs in ire. “I assume you two plan to be monogamous then?”

_< What's that word mean, X?>_

Zero had pinged X over their private radio frequency. X quickly messaged him back. _< It means you're only allowed to have sex with me.>_

_< What about you?>_

_< I can have sex with whoever I want.>_

“WHAT!” Zero yelled out loud, completely forgetting they were supposed to be communicating secretly. “X, no—!”

X couldn't help it, and he just started laughing. “I'm teasing, I'm teasing! Oh my God! Calm down!”

Zero huffed, crossing his arms defensively, continuing to scowl despite X's best efforts to soothe him.

Dr. Brea rubbed at the space between her eyes. “I'm almost afraid to ask this... but you wouldn't use sex as a tool or a punishment, right? By withholding it unless certain conditions are met, for instance?”

X swung his head back around to look at the doctor, eyebrows shooting up. “ _That's an option_?”

“Oh my God, you're giving him ideas!” Zero threw his arms in the air. “Evil, wicked ideas! Like he needs more of those! Can't you ask a _nice_ question?”

Dr. Brea closed her eyes, gathering her strength. Just get through it... “How would you go about seducing your partner?”

“Oh...” Zero smiled suddenly, like he definitely knew the answer to this one. “I'd wash the dishes!”

“...You'd wash the dishes?” Dr. Brea repeated slowly.

“Yeah, I read on the Internet that's supposed to make your wife sleep with you. X, do we have any dishes? We should buy some.”

X reached out and grabbed two fistfuls of Zero's hair. “Zero, first off, I'm not your wife. Second off, stop believing everything you read on the Internet!”

“Relax X, I'd wash whatever you wanted me to. It doesn't have to be dishes.”

“That's not the point!” X howled.

Zero's lips twitched up into a smirk. “You know, I like it when you get feisty this way...”

“Is there anything you would change about your partner?” Dr. Brea hissed through gritted teeth, wanting to wrap things up quickly before the two reploids started making out again.

X slowly released Zero's hair and turned back around in his seat, trying to appear dignified. “...No, not at all. Zero's perfect the way he is.”

Zero rolled his eyes. “I'd like him to stop _lying_ all the time.”

X laughed awkwardly, reaching over to squeeze Zero's shoulder. “Zero, please...”

“And come to think of it, X can have a bit of a temper...”

“ _I do not_ ,” X growled lowly.

“You do!” Zero insisted. “Like, remember that time when I asked you to talk dirty to me in Japanese because it sounds really cute?” Zero looked back to Dr. Brea, as if she would validate him. “He was really angry about it. He screamed at me, 'For the last time, I'm not Japanese! I was made by Dr. Light, not Dr. Right!' But he said _Dr. Right_ in that stereotypical Asian accent, you know? So I had to tell him to pump the hate brakes and stop being so racist—”

“ZERO!!!”

“ _That's it_! I've heard enough from _both of you_!” Dr. Brea slammed her palm down onto the desk, causing both reploids to jump. “Your relationship is the most dysfunctional I've ever seen... There's no way I'm going to approve you for the modification! Heaven knows what mayhem you would unleash upon this city! One minute you're slobbering all over each other, and the next you're ready to fight! In fact, I'm requiring that you two go through mandatory counseling for six months—”

Zero's mouth fell open. “Six months??”

“ _Six months_ ,” Dr. Brea repeated firmly. “Only then will I even _consider_ letting you come back for a second evaluation.”

X stood up to square off with the belligerent doctor. “You can't just turn us down like that! I'll have you know I run this _whole city_ —”

“I don't care if you're the damn _Robo-Jesus_!” Dr. Brea shoved her finger into X's face, causing him to quickly sink back down in defeat. “You're not being approved, and that's _final_!” Dr. Brea huffed, smoothing out her white lab coat as she made a beeline for the exit. “...Good day, gentlemen.” She slammed the door behind her.

X and Zero were once again left alone to ruminate on what had just happened. Denied for the modification... Six months until they could try again... Mandatory counseling??

“This sucks,” Zero groaned. “I have to wait _half a year_ to have sex with you now?”

X bit his bottom lip. “...Maybe not. I didn't want to have to resort to this, but...” X tapped a few keys on his wrist pad, then lifted up his communicator to speak into it. “Hello? Douglas? This is X. I'm going to need you to pull a few strings for me...” X winced. “And a few scalpels too.”


End file.
